Learn the difference between your intuition guiding you and your trauma misleading you.
If we continue to not see the asshole, we acting from the inner child that did not feel safe growing up. He/she could not find the answers to questions or solution to the dilemma felt. So to cope, we had to fight, flee, fawn or freeze (play dead or numbing feeling anything) the abuser/or our then reality. We denied, minimized, fantasized, ignored or even normalized toxic behavior. This was the helpless child. It worked! We SURVIVED!
But now for most of us reading this, living is exhausting! It is painful to continue to act normal. It is not other people, laziness or self sabotage. It is time for US to decide to act from the adult self.
Showing up, growing up, seeing reality & learning new coping skills as the adult for the first time - are steps toward a thriving life and not feeling out of control all the time.
How will you show up as your adult self today? Comment 👇.
If you'd like a head start on decluttering difficult people around you, read this post. Why declutter only your house and routines. The amount of energy you have is also limited. It needs to be cared for and sustained. Bring the Kon-Mari method to your personal energy too.
If you like this, share with someone u know! Contact me or book a discovery session with me if you need help with adulting. Much love!
#choosehappi #adultingcoach #invisibleillness #codependency #addictionsucks #hsp #sensitivepeople #traumacoaches #coacheswhocare #stressawareness #anxietyawareness #positivevibes #thrivenotsurvive #peoplepleasing
Here is the recipe for healing generational hurt. A person that heals their inner wounds heals their parents, their children and all people around them.
-Learn all you can about trauma and trauma bonds
-Understand common emotions that accompany trauma
-Examine problematic thought patterns, and
-Deepen your mind-body connection by incorporating wellness habits into a routine in your everyday life.
(Gentle nurturing, restoring Reiki also would help release blocked pathways, trapped trauma energy and soothe like a warm hug on a cold day!)
Intense feelings are an indication we are triggered. Meaning subconsciously the amygdala in the brain recalls a stored snapshot in time when things were unpleasant tagged "to be avoided" and is sounding warning bells. If we can stop here to ask - how old is this part of me that feels small? What emotion are we feeling? When was the first time we felt that emotion?
Most often you will be able to pinpoint the root reason for the sudden change in feelings and begin to reframe the event. This is a basic version of a technique called affect bridging and I use it often in my hypnosis practice. The little space for reflection gives time for you not to react in 4F ways (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and reminds your grown self that you NOW are no longer vulnerable or helpless. Once the event is released (by talking, reframing, Reiki/other holistic energy practices), the amygdala (in the brain) clears the "to be avoided" tags and releases the memory via the hippocampus to the neocortex for rational processing. Done repeatedly, this process will calm your more reactive nervous system; de-charging the intensity of flashback(s). Living in a frequently triggered state is painful and unnecessary. Healing is worth it. Don't be afraid to look within or get in touch with a skilled practitioner who can take you safely through the process.
Much ♥️ as you take your first steps, are somewhere in-between or are seeing the light at the end of your tunnel. Just keep walking. There is nothing else to do!
SHARE with a friend that needs this/ leave a COMMENT and if you need help shoot an email or book a discovery session with me.
#easiersaidthandone #thrivenotsurvive #choosehappi #generationalhealing #ACOA #CODA #coachesthatcare #addictions #breakup #toxicrelationships
Valentine's day puts too much pressure on couples and is a sad day for those wishing to be in a relationship. It is however a great day to commit to being in a kind relationship with yourself!
Society is highly prescriptive in what it deems 'to be loved'. This is a cause of a lot of anxiety especially in times like these. We worry- are we entirely normal if we are not experiencing love the way we "should" be.
When we look around we probably have far more love in our lives than we care to acknowledge. Eros while heady wanes with time because our minds are programmed to get used to things (Adaptation). You are loved, acknowledge it! Read my post that talks about things to do if you are single at this time of love besotted people.
#choosehappi #love #selflove #copingskills #covid #jophaelhypnoreiki #anxiety #selfheal
Chakras are points of life energy flowing at certain places along the vertical axis of the body.
Just like you have major organs and then arteries and veins. So you have major energy hubs and pathways that connect within and with the exterior world. Each major energy hub is responsible for replenishing the organs that surround it, chatting with other hubs and also taking care to balance the energy flowing through all of us and our outer world.
Any physical/emotional/spiritual disruption from injuries, events, relationship, personal/ community trauma or even unresolved issues from past/dimensional lives can cause blockages that interfere with you doing life well. We all know blocks do no good.
So just follow your instinct and work on one/more of them that you feel is off. Be watchful of your life and you will see changes begin to happen as the energy flow is restored. Know, You are healing You!
Better still, come in for a rejuvenating, balancing and restorative Reiki session. There are plenty of Reiki options in the Book Now section to choose from that will align whatever is specifically worrying you or mention your area of concern in the detailed intake questions when you book your session and I will take care of you. 🙌
#weekdayinspiration #choosehappi #motivation #depressionhelp #alanon #coda #awakening #love #reiki #rebalancing
Hello Precious Ones!
This time of the year, most of my life-coaching is centered around stress from Hallothanksmas (the period between Thanksgiving and the Holidays). Yes, it has got it's own urban dictionary mention.
Circumstances, priorities & meaning of the holiday season changes all the time from the ebb and flow of routine living. New additions to the family via either birth, marriage, loss through divorce, travel or death, health concerns, children's activities or changing preferences, job loss or career changes, diverse living arrangements, emptying nest or retirement. These bring along with it a need to change the usual way we celebrate.
Four simple tips I give my clients have helped. Hope they help you have a Happy You & Yours.
The holidays seem extra overwhelming because it is a focussed time of applying the skills we need all year through. Prioritizing, setting boundaries, financial budgeting, saying no assertively, knowing your limits, self-esteem and applying strategies from your tool kit for when they are needed.
We only have so much time, energy and money. Happy Holidays calls for managing them mindfully without guilt (feeling like you did something wrong) and shame (feeling YOU are wrong or bad at the core).
Self care is not selfish. It is key to everyone having a quality festive time. You have a choice. Choose Happi!
Why declutter only your house and routines. The amount of energy you have is also limited. It needs to be cared for and sustained. Bring the Kon-Mari method to your personal energy too. Plug drainers and draining habits that do not bring joy into your life.
What makes most toxic people so difficult to recognize is that they’re usually quite funny, charming or cool when you first meet them. But they are complete energy drainers. Spend that same energy on yourself or retain it for the few difficult people you just have to keep in your circle like your boss, or relative/inlaw.
10 types of people (and yes that includes family) that you need to cut off without guilt are the :
1) Always NEGATIVE person
2) ITS ALL ABOUT ME person
3) Compulsive LIAR
5) STEALS YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER person
6) CONSTANT CORRECTOR person
8) I CAN TOP THAT person
9) VANISHES when you need them &
10) the BLABBERMOUTH person.
Some common "habits" that can do with the Kon-Mari are:
a) waiting passively for something to happen (complacency)
b) rejecting change or something new (irrational fears)
c) consuming too much even when you do not need it (mindset)
d) acting like it does not matter when it does (denial)
e) complaining all the time or harsh self criticism (self-talk).
Being mean to oneself or putting up with other's selfish behavior has not worked in the past to better your life. Why do you think it will work now?! Learn how to free up more energy for yourself with a customized break-through session.
#simplify #choosehappi #selfcare #lifeskills #successmindsetcoaching
Hi Loved Ones,
This month, being the month of Cupid, I will look to love for my blog example. When we watch romantic comedies, we seem to know the order of events. Boy is going to meet girl unexpectedly, they will enjoy each other's company for a while, life will intrude, they will separate, then somehow magically they get together again and against all odds live happily ever after.
What is the belief we hold here...(clue: the blog picture caption says it "Love Trumps All"). PJ I know ;) but an apt one. Let me explain.
These beliefs or automatic thinking we hold so deep in our subconscious start forming during our formative years from our experience with caregivers, culture, tv, society's generic attitudes towards anything we value or deem significant. What one must achieve to be successful in life, how a man/woman should behave, how children must be raised, who takes/shares responsibility for the home/finances, religion etc all are influenced by these and stored as core beliefs or automatic thinking in our subconscious. How large the gap is between the beliefs we hold as truths and reality of our lives is the cause of feelings of failure/hopelessness/dis'ease'.
There is a reason I don’t allow people to talk negatively about themselves when they are being coached by me. Your subconscious is powerful and always listening. It is your guardian and there to protect and guide you. Even people with the best intentions can fall into this trap of negative phrasing:
“I’m so tired, I hope I don’t fall on this last ski run” or “this client has said ‘no’ to the last 3 salespeople, they’ll probably turn me down too”.
When you are so worried about falling, your fixation is not on control or form but on the very thing you want to avoid. Your subconscious hears this and believes you, then sets out to make these things true. The subconscious does not understand "no" or "not" or "don't".
What we can do about it:
Your subconscious mind is always listening to and believes everything you repeatedly say about yourself. When our thoughts become more reasonable, our feelings become brighter. Life is easier. Health is restored by the body's natural tendency to heal and thrive. Relationships become meaningful and fulfilling. Careers and personal goals are easier to achieve. Self confidence grows as we depend on "self" esteem rather than "other" esteem.
This is an important concept to understand as we put down our health, career, relationship, happiness goals for this New Year and set out to make them a reality! What you focus on grows. If you want to know more about the steps I mentioned above or help in achieving your goals with Coaching, Reiki or Hypnosis, I will be glad to assist you (email).
Make this year matter!
Did you NOT go with your first impulse to say "No, thank you" and succumbed to the "should", "must", "have to" of holiday time social gathering? Well kids, get your boxing gloves on! Here is a cheatsheet to survive the melee as best you can (and mentally note who's really on your side).
Download a FREE graphic reminder for your phone HERE (selfie ring light SWEEPSTAKES!).
Trust your gut instinct - the brain can mire you in endless logic loops, the heart can trick you with warning or warming stories of past. Your gut, on the other hand, is very basic and answers in plain old "Yes" or "No". Try it.
Pay attention to your feelings - how you feel matters. They are signals alerting you that something's not right either about how you are being treated or about a need you value in life, not being met.
Are you triggered? - you feel flushed all of a sudden, you want to yell but are choked up, you have a hard lump in your throat, you feel ashamed, eyes well up with tears, you get very angry, your heart beat is racing, you want to be anywhere but here, you start complying with things you don't want to do, you put yourself down, you use comic relief to dispel your unease, you stare wordlessly in horror, you pretend you did not hear or understand something rude, you have an unusually emotional outburst, etc.
What's your game plan? - You know your aunt or brother is going to say/do this. How will you respond differently to throw them off? (walk away, laugh, don't engage, picture them in their underwear, say "Yes, your right!" (& nothing else), be vague, change the topic, start another conversation with someone else, keep moving so they will have to keep following you around, take bathroom/fresh air breaks, say you just recovered from a serious virus while touching their hand, etc... :))
Make Space and Time your best friend - do not commit to anything in the moment. Neither a lender nor a borrower be. Don't plan on spending hours in a place you are not comfortable in. (a few time/space friendly excuses are: I'll check my social calendar back home and get back to you later, I won't be able to answer that immediately, I'll have to ask my babysitter, my work has me working unscheduled hours, hmm..interesting.., that was intense - let me think about it, hey I see someone I know - I'll be back!). Hem, haw and feint your way out of a tight spot. Don't let that inner voice guilt you.
Channel Your Inner Toddler (if you dare) - say no, No, NO!, and another helping of Nooooo! If they think poorly of you then you must go out of your way to give them every reason to. Have fun and throw an unreasonable fit while you're at it:).
Boundaries - think back to the last time you displayed intense emotion. Your outburst or suffering will tell you that someone knowingly or unknowingly stepped on something you really care about. Those are your boundaries. What you like or dislike, what you want or don't want. Stay away from people who repeatedly do not respect your boundaries. They are telling you that you don't matter. Don't sacrifice yourself to please them. They don't care.
Share responsibility - there will always be some of us who will shirk responsibility of tasks or feelings and make someone else do or feel them. And then there are those of us who enable them. Call it moral laziness or over zealous functioning. Neither is healthy. Stay connected (I care about you) but don't do more than your share (boundaries). You are giving everybody around you a chance to grow up and have a potentially meaningful relationship with you.
Self Care - take care of yourself, especially before social gatherings, by eating healthfully, hydrating regularly, rest/sleeping well. Drink in moderation socially, take short walks even if it is up and down stairs. Decide to put yourself first this year much like oxygen masks on a troubled plane trip with kids.
Call a friend - ask someone trusted, ahead of time, if you can call/text anytime you need a break or someone to talk to. Send them a copy of these suggestions so that they are aware of what you are trying to do and are quietly supportive.
Lastly, don't forget - however 2018 ends up playing out, all will be well, eventually.
Wishing you the Season's Best! Though, if you want to once and for all move from surviving to Thriving this year on, get in touch. We'll talk inner game and strategy at length!
beaucoup d'amour, Cheryl
Your gift to the world is your special, original vision. Wouldn't you like to discover it and nurture/share it if your lucky enough to have found it already? What would it feel like to work on something tangible that lights you up day after day?
Adding to Ms. Sher's excellent motivation in the video above, here are some tips that help my clients find what truly inspires them:
Keep paying attention to your life!
What's up folks!
Since my last post on overcoming procrastination, one lament that has come up time and time again is - "Coach, I suck at discipline. Just do it; just does not work for me. I want the results - lose weight/get great abs, meditate daily, enjoy extra income - but it is hard for me to keep working at it regularly!"
This is easily fixed. Look for place in your daily grind where your daily practice will fit in easily. Research shows that it is easier to create a habit when we do it about the same time each day. First thing in the morning is always recommended but you can be flexible about that. For eg. Wake up, bathroom, brush teeth, meditate for 15mins. Or, get a gym buddy to call you half hour before picking you up from work. Even if you are really tired or it is really cold out there, you won't say no to the buddy waiting below your office. Start small and work your way up. The trick is to keep up with small increments till you reach the tipping point.
The tipping point for each person is different. How much time or money you need to put in, in order to reach that tipping point is unique to every quest or desire. Too often we might give up just when the scales would have tipped to show the change we were aspiring for. "There is no shortage of time or money" - that is a mindset change I ask my clients with goals to affirm to themselves each morning. When we remove barriers from our mind about time and money - anything is achievable.
So keep with it. Remember to Integrate your goals into your daily grind. Find some way to be held accountable for it. The rest will follow. I am interested in knowing how you do!
I know you all have that friend who could benefit from this advice. Forward it. Like if you found it useful.
The author is an Anxiety & Toxic Manipulation Recovery Coach, Certified Hypnotist, Reiki Master, and Self Healing Expert. She got fed up of being pushed around and bullied and started to educated herself to swim confidently with sharks. An expert on the topic, she now negotiates uncharted territory confidently and is thrilled to share her knowledge with others.